The concept of loving detachment can be a life-saver for the supporter of an alcoholic, but great reward usually requires great work. Embracing loving detachment means embracing some foundational changes in your own actions and beliefs. The first of this three-post series on loving detachment focussed on the overall concept of loving the addict while [...]

A few weeks ago, I was sure I was going to die. It would happen – I figured – at some point during a business trip to Montreal. The plan would go down, or my cab would get into an accident. Regardless, my life would be over and my kids would be on their own. [...]

The other day a very dear friend of mine sent me an email to tell me how reading my book was affecting her. She’s been reading it slowly, highlighting passages that resonate, underlining comments that she wants to refer back to and remember. She said it’s been helping her. Like me, she was in a [...]

Those of us adept at keeping life going in unusually awkward or even terrible conditions are used to triage: making difficult reprioritization decisions in the moment.  As we move from crises to greater stability, we find that many of the characteristics and habits we developed in survival mode no longer serve us.  But I believe [...]

Have you ever caught yourself saying or doing something that has made you both ashamed and wonder how you could possibly be acting that way?  Don’t worry, we all have.  Social psychologist Philip Zimbardo conducted a controversial experience at Stanford in 1971 called “The Lucifer Effect” during which men were recruited to create a prison [...]

Everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff.  Especially the bad stuff.  I used to believe that life was pretty random, and perhaps in those days, it was for me.  But now that I’ve decided to live my life awake and purposefully, I see that the people and events that come into my life [...]

By far, the greatest keyword search that brings viewers to this blog is the phrase “loving detachment”.  My guess is that people in pain have been told that loving detachment is powerful remedy, so they are desperate to look on the internet for the recipe.  I was there too, not so long ago.  I searched for [...]

Sometimes, recovery is like walking through a grocery store when you’re hungry.   You might become so overwhelmed by the choices, when you are so filled with need, that making any kind of decision is overwhelming. So you could buy everything, or nothing.   How do we make decisions when we don’t feel our best?  We tend [...]

Life would be so much easier if we only had our own crazy feelings to deal with.  But for those of us close to an alcoholic or anyone else with serious issues, we must also face their behaviors and emotions.   And those can be pretty cruel sometimes.   The combination of them knowing us well and [...]

In your own recovery, it is vitally important that you work on redeveloping trust in yourself.  That trust is synonymous with self-respect, self-confidence, and your sense of self generally.  It is the foundation on which your spiritual being can begin to heal, and your mind and body will follow.   Until you trust yourself, it will [...]